The Chazon Ish has a very interesting definition of the relationship between husband and wife. "Like a right and left hand". You are one hand and your spouse is the other. Beautiful!
How does this play out practically speaking?
When both of a person's hands hurt, which hand does one attend to first? The one that hurts more.
Example: Your wife wants to spend this Shabbos at her parents. She just gave birth a few weeks ago, is feeling down ["PPD"] and really needs her mother's help and the warm fuzzy feeling she has being home again. You? Your mother-in-law is the personification of all the stereotypes about mothers-in-law. Annoying and at times meddling and while a good cook, you like your wife's food better. Plus, her little brother is beginning to really get on your nerves.
What do you do?
Who "hurts" more? The sensitive-hormone-attacked-post-partum-depressed-yearning-for-mommy-and-daddy-again wife or the just-leave-me-alone-and-let's-stay-home-husband?
The wife.
If the husband feels that she is "part of him" he will have no trouble happily agreeing to spend a lovely Shabbos at his "wonderful" in-laws. If he sees it as a battle between two opposing forces, no matter what decision is made in the end he will have lost.....
והמבין יבין:-)
[Based in part on the sefer האיש מקדש page 379-380]
How does this play out practically speaking?
When both of a person's hands hurt, which hand does one attend to first? The one that hurts more.
Example: Your wife wants to spend this Shabbos at her parents. She just gave birth a few weeks ago, is feeling down ["PPD"] and really needs her mother's help and the warm fuzzy feeling she has being home again. You? Your mother-in-law is the personification of all the stereotypes about mothers-in-law. Annoying and at times meddling and while a good cook, you like your wife's food better. Plus, her little brother is beginning to really get on your nerves.
What do you do?
Who "hurts" more? The sensitive-hormone-attacked-post-partum-depressed-yearning-for-mommy-and-daddy-again wife or the just-leave-me-alone-and-let's-stay-home-husband?
The wife.
If the husband feels that she is "part of him" he will have no trouble happily agreeing to spend a lovely Shabbos at his "wonderful" in-laws. If he sees it as a battle between two opposing forces, no matter what decision is made in the end he will have lost.....
והמבין יבין:-)
[Based in part on the sefer האיש מקדש page 379-380]
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