When you learn Torah in depth you discover something fascinating. While the text will say that two Rabbis are arguing about a certain issue, beneath the surface they are often arguing about something more fundamental and central which just expresses itself in the present argument.
This is sooooo true in relationships as well. Example: A wife says "You were late for dinner and I had to wait for you for 45 minutes." He says, "I got stuck in traffic, what do you want from me?"
SHE might really be saying "You don't care about my feelings. I worked so hard to prepare dinner and you showed up late. I feel unloved."
He just gets defensive, whereas if he would read this blog he would not answer by referring to the bumper-to-bumper on the Van Wyck, but with words of empathy. "I am sooooo sorry. It was so insensitive of me and I feel terrible. Thank you so much for all of the work you did for me."
What is important is to acknowledge the feelings of the other person and to admit fault.
12 red roses sometimes help, too:-).
This is sooooo true in relationships as well. Example: A wife says "You were late for dinner and I had to wait for you for 45 minutes." He says, "I got stuck in traffic, what do you want from me?"
SHE might really be saying "You don't care about my feelings. I worked so hard to prepare dinner and you showed up late. I feel unloved."
He just gets defensive, whereas if he would read this blog he would not answer by referring to the bumper-to-bumper on the Van Wyck, but with words of empathy. "I am sooooo sorry. It was so insensitive of me and I feel terrible. Thank you so much for all of the work you did for me."
What is important is to acknowledge the feelings of the other person and to admit fault.
12 red roses sometimes help, too:-).
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