I am in the middle of reading a fascinating book on Shalom Bayis. It really provides the tools to having a happy and fulfilling marriage. The name of this book?
It is called "Ksuvos" [pronounced "Ktuvot" by those of Sephardic origin or those who attended Modern Orthodox day schools where there was an insistence on adoption of the modern Israeli pronunciation of words.] It was penned 1500 years ago by two great Sages named Ravina and Rav Ashi and it is a record of various discussions that took place in the study hall.
What are the guiding principles outlined by this seminal tome? Listen carefully...:)
Responsibility. Obligation. A sense of purpose. Dedication. Devotion.
Let me explain [even if you don't let me I won't know because I never know who is reading and how much:)]: A man is OBLIGATED to provide financial support for his wife both in life and after death [i.e. inheritance]. Let's say HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT? In Modern-Street-Hebrew this is called לא בא לי. He wants to sit on the couch all day and immerse himself in the magical world of emptiness, affectionately called "Facebook". This book says: "SORRRYYYY. You have a RELIGIOUS obligation to provide for this woman, like it or not. Like her or not. Sorrrryyyy."
A woman has an obligation to take care of her husbands needs. For example - she must prepare his food. She must wash his dirty socks. Let's say SHE doesn't feel like it. She wants to sit in a hammock [the couch is taken] all day and read Robert Ludlum novels. Those are, pashut, gripping. A lot more exciting and riveting than looking at the yellow pits in her husbands undershirts and quite possibly also more interesting for her than deciding how much paprika to add to the duck she is preparing. SORRRRYYYYY. She is obligated. By willingly accepting his offer of marriage she has taken upon herself a lifetime dedicated to [among other things] pleasing this man, like it or not. Like him or not.
Let's get more personal. There is a certain aspect of the marital relationship shared only between a husband and wife. Just them. This book [which was codified by all later authorities and is part and parcel of daily practice] mandates that they are BOTH obligated to actualize this part of their relationship at certain times. There is room for spontaneity but there is a basic minimal obligation that applies to ALL COUPLES. AMAZING IDEA that the goyim have not yet discovered. Make the couple express love even when not feeling it so strongly [or at all]. This will FORCE them to invest their time and effort into enhancing their marriage. Otherwise, the marriage is liable to morph into oblivion.
There is a lot more but that is a little bit of what this book teaches.
I really think that this creation is an epiphany worthy of this years Noble Prize for Literature. "Envelope pleeeeaseeee. Druuummmmroooolllllll. Yes. Best book of the year.... Maseches Ksuvoooos by Rabbi Ravina and Rabbi Rav Ashi." Rousing ovation.
Remember sweetest friends!:) No religious man wakes up in the morning and says "I don't feel like davening today, so I won't". No religious woman says "I am simply TOO BUSY for Shabbos this week. Too much to do. Maybe next Saturday." In the same way, one must look upon his marital obligations. They are no less fundamental than other religious obligations.
IF one has such an attitude then the odds of him/her having a successful marriage improve considerably.
Think about it and tell me what you think:).
It is called "Ksuvos" [pronounced "Ktuvot" by those of Sephardic origin or those who attended Modern Orthodox day schools where there was an insistence on adoption of the modern Israeli pronunciation of words.] It was penned 1500 years ago by two great Sages named Ravina and Rav Ashi and it is a record of various discussions that took place in the study hall.
What are the guiding principles outlined by this seminal tome? Listen carefully...:)
Responsibility. Obligation. A sense of purpose. Dedication. Devotion.
Let me explain [even if you don't let me I won't know because I never know who is reading and how much:)]: A man is OBLIGATED to provide financial support for his wife both in life and after death [i.e. inheritance]. Let's say HE DOESN'T FEEL LIKE IT? In Modern-Street-Hebrew this is called לא בא לי. He wants to sit on the couch all day and immerse himself in the magical world of emptiness, affectionately called "Facebook". This book says: "SORRRYYYY. You have a RELIGIOUS obligation to provide for this woman, like it or not. Like her or not. Sorrrryyyy."
A woman has an obligation to take care of her husbands needs. For example - she must prepare his food. She must wash his dirty socks. Let's say SHE doesn't feel like it. She wants to sit in a hammock [the couch is taken] all day and read Robert Ludlum novels. Those are, pashut, gripping. A lot more exciting and riveting than looking at the yellow pits in her husbands undershirts and quite possibly also more interesting for her than deciding how much paprika to add to the duck she is preparing. SORRRRYYYYY. She is obligated. By willingly accepting his offer of marriage she has taken upon herself a lifetime dedicated to [among other things] pleasing this man, like it or not. Like him or not.
Let's get more personal. There is a certain aspect of the marital relationship shared only between a husband and wife. Just them. This book [which was codified by all later authorities and is part and parcel of daily practice] mandates that they are BOTH obligated to actualize this part of their relationship at certain times. There is room for spontaneity but there is a basic minimal obligation that applies to ALL COUPLES. AMAZING IDEA that the goyim have not yet discovered. Make the couple express love even when not feeling it so strongly [or at all]. This will FORCE them to invest their time and effort into enhancing their marriage. Otherwise, the marriage is liable to morph into oblivion.
There is a lot more but that is a little bit of what this book teaches.
I really think that this creation is an epiphany worthy of this years Noble Prize for Literature. "Envelope pleeeeaseeee. Druuummmmroooolllllll. Yes. Best book of the year.... Maseches Ksuvoooos by Rabbi Ravina and Rabbi Rav Ashi." Rousing ovation.
Remember sweetest friends!:) No religious man wakes up in the morning and says "I don't feel like davening today, so I won't". No religious woman says "I am simply TOO BUSY for Shabbos this week. Too much to do. Maybe next Saturday." In the same way, one must look upon his marital obligations. They are no less fundamental than other religious obligations.
IF one has such an attitude then the odds of him/her having a successful marriage improve considerably.
Think about it and tell me what you think:).
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